Monday, October 17, 2011

Pick Your Battles

I've been married for 2 years, so by no means do I consider myself an expert, but I have been with the same woman (dating & marriage) for 8 years, and the greatest piece of advice that I can give couples (dating or married) is to pick your battles. Life is shorter than we tend to realize (Im attending my 10 year high school reunion next year and that's scary!). Why waste life with being angry at the person that you want to spend your life with. Thinking about some of the things that my wife and I have argued about over the years are just silly! Ego is a no-no when it comes to the game of love, and if you let your ego get too big, you can miss out on some great time with your loved one. Now this doesn't mean that when you have a disagreement that you just sweep things under the rug and act like nothing happened. You need to have a HEALTHY argument. I put an emphasis on healthy, because adults have healthy arguments, and children have unhealthy arguments.

Lets give examples of each:

A healthy argument would consist of a sit down between a couple and instead of yelling and finger pointing, one party would voice their problem and then listen to the other party's problem. Feelings may be hurt during this process, but if love is presented with the problem, then hurt feelings wont last that long.

An unhealthy argument involves raised voices and name calling and finger pointing. It usually involves a healthy dose of disrespect, which usually leads to hurt feelings that last for weeks.

Respect is not just an Aretha Franklin song, but it also is a vital organ in the body of love!!! If you want respect, you have to give it. The next time your partner pisses you off, try like my homeboy Jerry told me "Dreek, take 3 deep breaths and then address the issue". This method works!! Instead of flying off the lip at my wife, I take 3 deep breaths and proceed. It saves a lot of headaches and a lot of hurt feelings which is a red flag in the audit of love!!!!

Thats it for now, and if you're having "relationship problems", just think about the couple that just filed bankruptcy, or had a miscarriage, or is dealing with infidelity, and then your "problems" wont seem so big!


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